We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
