Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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