I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
