He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
