He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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