apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
