Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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