She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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