I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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