I could make wine with my vomit
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
