Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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