I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
