the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
