im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
