I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
