Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
