Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
