Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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