Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
