Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
