hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
