dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
