Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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