Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
