I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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