just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Let's get the cat blown out
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize