I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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