I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
