He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
