from now on my penis is your penis
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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