Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
