the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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