I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
