So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
