the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
