walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
