im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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