I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
