Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
