i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
