At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
