I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
