I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
