Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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