If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i dont even know how to be here
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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