Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
