Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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