I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There are leaves in my underwear?
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