We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
