So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
