He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
