she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
