Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In America we eat man semen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
